i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
