On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
