I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
