is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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