Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
