Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
