can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
