what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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