also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
