dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
