i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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