aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
