If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
