I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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