The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
