just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
