Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
