there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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