Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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