It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
