Princesses don't give blow jobs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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