In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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