omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like abortions should bother me more
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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