your parents love me but you hate me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
