i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
