im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do vagina's smell?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
