I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
