my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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