yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
