erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
