drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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