Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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