I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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