it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
