also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
