living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
