I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
