Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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