I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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