His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
