i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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