Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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