I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize