tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He kissed a someone with a penis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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