i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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