Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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