I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
