Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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