maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
