i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
