What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
