I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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