Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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