I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
