When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
