My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
