He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
