I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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