The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
