I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
