So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
