Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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