we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize