I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
