I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
