Kiss
Puke
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
