The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
