You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
