dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
