dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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