I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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