I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
