you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
