New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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