it wasn't lemon gatorade
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
