I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
