respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
