OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
