he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
