You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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